Mike Holmes is my future husband

First off, I have to apologize to my husband for the inappropriate title of this post. I guess we’ll find out if he even reads my blog… (Hi, honey!!)

OK, so it’s no secret to those who know me that HGTV makes me pull my hair out. Why? Because I spend an inordinate amount of (non-income producing) time having to re-program clients into understanding that it really isn’t possible to remodel a whole house for $500 and in 2 hours. DOESN’T HAPPEN, PEOPLE! I don‘t find amazingly awesome used kitchen cabinets, that just happen to fit their space at a local flea mart for $1.50 each, nor do I just walk into a house with all my supplies ready for a few short hours of “fun” with my design assistant re-doing a space with apparently only 10-15 minutes of planning time the day before. News flash – nobody does!

Now don’t get me wrong. There are two things I actually like about HGTV. I think that Candace Olson is not only a goddess, but she is an amazing designer with a wicked sense of humor. Don’t you just wanna go out Candy and the crew for a night of binge drinking? I think it’d be a total blast.

Food For Thought And Note To Clients: Please notice that Candace never talks about price, or slamming bargain basement deals, or that she just whipped out an entire design plan in 3.5 seconds.

But really… what makes me weak in the knees is Mike Holmes of Holmes on Homes fame. I’m not usually attracted to burly guys, but contractor-wise he is a total dreamboat. I could listen to him all day point out the flaws of other crappy contractors and then spend the rest of the show “making it right” for his totally deserving clients. I am a firm believer in doing it right the first time and it’s refreshing to see that I’m not the only one. So…I decided that I would become a Holmes groupie. I hopped on his website www.makeitright.ca and discovered that he is not just another buzz-cut with biceps, the man is an empire. I bought myself a baseball hat to support the cause (paid just as much for the shipping as I did the hat because it came from Canada) and am awaiting my first issue of his magazine. I debated about buying some of his overalls (yes, they sell those too), but didn’t think it would look classy enough on a design appointment. Maybe I’ll borrow my friend Gina’s BeDazzler and reconsider that…

In my fierce need to see justice done where crappy contractors are concerned, I would like to offer up a suggestion to Mike and his marketing machine. I think they should air a separate reality show after each episode where they let Dog The Bounty Hunter on the loose to track down the offending contractors and force them to face their wronged clients while on their knees begging for forgiveness. THAT, my friend, would be television worth viewing.

You can watch Mike and his crew perform miracles on Sunday nights on HGTV. I’ll bring the popcorn, the baseball hat, fan club certificate and pom-poms.

I know, I know… I need to get a life.

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